Ode to Twenty-Thirteen.

I’ve been hearing a lot of chatter about how people are glad to see Twenty-Thirteen go.  How they cant wait until Twenty-fourteen is here so they can finally be free to do what they have set out to accomplish without “Unlucky ‘Thirteen” trying to stop them at every turn.  Cowards.  They’re too scared to say all that to her face. It’s something whispered at the water-cooler behind her back as she is packing up her things to leave and go on to bigger at and greater things.  Places where she will be treated with a little more love and respect.  Who knows, maybe she will be on the cover of TIME magazine.  She’s sure that at least MTV will have a place for her in a couple of decades after everything has smoothed over.  “I Love 2013” kind of has a ring to it…

No one thinks of things from the year’s perspective, but I can see it all now. Her two weeks’ notice has been put in and she only has two more days to grind through.  Well, really only one because on the 31^st, people will care less about her than the new guy who’s taking over.  Of course, everyone is talking about how things will be different- better- under the new management.  We’ll see, she tells herself, trying not to be bitter.  A year ago, people were saying the same thing about her and it’s hard now not to feel a little bit disgraced.  She had such high hopes, such big plans…. But c’est la vie. Best not to dwell on the past, she tells herself with a chuckle, pleased with her own ironic joke.

Hopefully things are better under Twenty-fourteen and not just another year- just another miser to live under until the replacement comes 365 days later.  Hopefully everyone will lose all that weight, or get their dream job, or quit smoking.  Hopefully people will spend more time with their families, finally learn how to play guitar… be kinder and more decent.  She wants people to go on that trip to Ireland they’ve always been dreaming about, finish college and finally buy a house somewhere in the country.

 People blame her for not doing those things… they want it to be her fault.  I would have done this or that, but the health care bill just threw me for a loop.  The price of gas is still too high and I cant afford a more fuel efficient car.  I was going to, but I had to settle for a low paying job because of the economy.  Twenty-thirteen just wasn’t a good year.  People want it to be all a matter of circumstance because the alternative is….

I’m the worlds worst.  I still didn’t read through my Bible, I still owe the library ten dollars, I failed to maintain some of my most important relationships, and I lost one of my most prized possessions to a bitter old man in a misguided attempt to make friends.    I actually gained weight, and I celebrated my tenth anniversary this year of not writing my internationally acclaimed best-selling book.  If you look strictly at my new years resolutions, I accomplished nothing.  I completely failed this year- there is no two ways about it.  Maybe in reference to all my best laid plans… it has been a bad year. 

But something feels different- broken off.  Its almost like someone has unlocked the chains that have been holding me back for years only for me to stand stupidly in my cell, unsure of what to do.  Someone has left the stable door opened, and I’m still stalling, wondering it it’s some trick. 

I’m free somehow without knowing where or when it happened; and I’m happy about that, don’t get me wrong, but the question I have been trying to get answered all year is “where do I go from here?”   I’ve been begging for someone to tell me.  I’ve been to all the conferences and I’ve read all the books.  I’ve been asking all the “right” questions but no one can give me a straight answer. The heaviest cost of freedom is that no one can tell you what to do anymore. 

I still don’t have a perfect answer but I have been learning the answer is something akin to “anywhere I want”.  I’ve been learning that instead of worrying about “who I am” I should be more concerned about “who do I want to be”.   I’ve been leaning that instead of “where am I supposed to go”, it’s more like “where do I want to go?”.  I’m no proponent of only looking out for number one, but I am learning that with free will comes the will part of the whole thing.  I will lose weight, or I will eat a cookie.  I will go to Ireland this year or I will wait until I can afford a plane ticket and pay light bill.  When it comes down to it, I’m as much to blame as my circumstances.  How can I blame “Unlucky ‘Thirteen” and judge her as a bad year without acknowledging my part in making her so. 

 Sure, there are things beyond my control.  I’m not saying people are responsible for every single thing that happens to them.  I can’t make one thing something else by simply calling it it’s opposite.  A rainy day by any other name will still get you wet.  All I’m saying is that I can choose to either put on a rain jacket or learn to appreciate the rain. 

 

Now, going back to my poor friend Twenty-thirteen who is looking back on the past year with a smile and a regret… I, for one, will miss her.  No matter what anyone else says about her, we had some good times together and we had our share of bad times, too.  It was a learning year.  A time of planting and hoping good things will grow, and a time of knowing if the crop doesn’t turn out as planned, if despite my best efforts things still go awry, that even the worst vegetables can still be made into a killer soup.

 

Happy New Year’s all!  As the old saying goes, may the blessings of the coming year last longer than our resolutions!